Do you sometimes feel like you were meant for something greater? Almost like in the TV shows--the comic books?
Always expecting something great to happen...
Some stranger to recognize the greatness that you yourself had not fully seen or understood.
You look down at your hands in front of you. The palms facing upward; the fingers slightly curling in. There is power in those hands.
Your hands.
They’re yours...
They’re real...
...You’re real.
Why does life seem so bland? Where is the greatness? You look around you. Realizing you’re looking at a computer screen. The keys on the keyboard sitting there. The people around you--upstairs or downstairs; across the street or walking past you--they go about their lives. Everyday. They carry on.
Do you ever find yourself wondering why things aren’t extraordinary? How did life--as in day-to-day living--become so much just about...getting by? Where is the greatness?
Where is the fulfillment of dreams? How many people are on this Earth? More than 6 billion? Almost 7? And how many people have walked on this planet before us?
Graves scatter our grounds. They fill our earth. Marked and
unmarked.
I find myself getting sad whenever I pass cemetaries. So many dreams. So many thoughts. So many...attempts to “live”.
So much potential, but so much failure...
I’m not saying that people don’t do great things. Everyone does. We all affect those around us and it makes a bigger impact then we realize. Always changing our peers and our family. Constantly coming into contact with people.
But.
Do you ever feel like you were meant for more?
Having some sort of extraordinary power?
Averageness and blandness have grayed our world.
Where are the colors?
Where is the greatness?
In me?
Is it in these open hands in front of me...?
Why am I still droning on day-to-day like life is supposed to be just this.
I have a greater purpose then video games; then this computer in front of me; then the art I can create; then the words I can compose...
I’m not entirely sure what that greater purpose is yet.
...I hope it’s great.
...because I feel like I have greatness in me. Sure, you may think I’m great. But, really? Greatness. It’s something grander then you think...
It’s exciting. It’s purpose. It’s life.
I’m not exactly sure what I’m saying.
It’s just how I’m feeling.
I’m happy; I’m content; I’m smiling; I may be deep in thought--in feeling--but I’m not depressed or feeling useless. I feel inspired.
I have the potential of greatness.
The kind of greatness that only dreams make real.
Can it be real?
Can the amazing images of the imagination come true? Can they be brought into the world?
...Greatness...
Hmm...
I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to write. Hahaha!
I've been quite happy. I enjoy laughing and smiling.
And learning, I do enjoy learning. My school day goes by fairly quickly.
Because, I start out with a fun class in the morning, Visual Communications (working with digital design, which involves Art, and photography). I like all those things but, unfortunately it's a lower classmen class and I don't really know anyone.
And then I have Study Hall. Just get stuff done.
Then, English. I always try to skip this class and go straight to Pre-Cal. Hahaha! It's werid.
And Pre-cal's kinda the class that's "Just gotta get done with that." But, then it happens earlier then I think and suddenly it's 5th period--which is AP Art!
Yay!
I do enjoy Art quite a bit. Except it's super cold in there. And... I sit alone.
I mean, I guess it's better that way. I have more room and I get more stuff done.
And, I didn't do it to myself this time. I was originally in just Art IV. AP Art and Art IV share the same period and class because they're both small. So, Art IV's supposed to sit on the right side and AP Art's supposed to sit on the left.
I know no one in Art IV and I don't think they like me...
But, their square table got filled up, anyway. No more room even if I decided to sit by them.
So, I went and sat at the equally large other square table and sat alone.
I know a few people in the AP Art class. And there're some people I'd like to be friends with...
And even if I decided to move over there... there's just this tiny bit of room left on the end of their cluster of tables. No where near the people I'd like to talk to.
So, I don't know.
I mean, I do get my work done and I can spread my work out...
Oh, and I guess it kind of hurt me, in the first week when the only spot I could sit was by myself and a friend of mine (who's in AP Art) asked, "Whitney, why're you sitting alone?" And then said something along the lines of me being a recluse or anti-social or something.
And, he had already walked away before I could answer... that I really didn't have a choice...
I wish someone had decided to move over by me.
Bah! It's whatever. I enjoy Art class. :]
Oh, yeah, then it's AP Psych, which I throughly enjoy. The class is interesting and the teacher is very engaging and funny.
And then, I have Government. I was not expecting this to be a fun class. But it has turned out to be a wonderful way to end the day! I have friends in this class. And the teacher is sooooo funny! Time flies by in that class.
And before I know it, school's over! :)
When my mother picks Wesley and I up, we usually go outside and sit on the benches because there's barely anyone over there. And the bench is actually more comfortable then the school chairs (my butt hates those!). And we just laugh and talk about the day, and Wesley usually takes out his guitar and fiddles with it. :)I wanted to say "...which is enjoyable." But... I think I've used that like... 5 or 6 times already in this blog post... hahaha!
I guess I enjoy life...and using the word enjoy! Hahaha!
On another note, lately, I have learned the power of prayer. Before, I struggled with the concept that me praying did anything at all. But, really... It does do alot.
Mr. Simmons had sent this to me:
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. --James 5:16 NIV
I have become content. And I have been pulled out of depressive states. And, more importantly, I see the effect on the people around me.
Also, I never trully understood the idea of fasting and what that actually does. But, now, I realize that showing your dedication and what you're willing to give up for a while just to... almost show God your faith. Show him that you're serious. It makes praying so much more earnest.
And, fasting doesn't have to be food; I think nowadays, fasting with food isn't that effective because we can get food very quickly and easily, when back then, preparing food took up a lot of time. You can fast by giving up TV or video games for a while. Really anything that takes up your time.
I don't know, I find it wonderful and I have a more... purposeful outlook now when I pray. It's not just an empty thought. God listens. He loves me and has been here for me through everything. And he's been with everyone.
That's so amazing. :]
Alright. September has just started. Life is starting to pick up the pace. I'm going to be 18 in twenty days. I need to get a job. And I need to apply to colleges.
But the future is bright. :)
Just gotta keep praying, smiling, and laughing and I think life will keep being enjoyable. :]
